A Warrior's Journey

I have been reading my ex girlfriend's blog for sometime now though she blogs ever so rarely. She recently made an entry in which she stated she was 'destined' to be lonely. From clues in her entries, I can only garner that she has broken up with her current boyfriend. She made an entry about me in the blog which brought up some bad memories. I will never know the extent to which I've hurt her. After I initiated the breakup, I felt a sense of peace and release. She on the other hand, probably begun a downward spiral of which she probably has yet to recover from. She has backslidden and stopped going to church. For a while, I was unable to give thanks to God for this relationship I had with Mei En. I know I had grown, matured and more aware of the inter-dynamics of two people in a relationship. I know that when God led me out of the relationship with Mei En, He had His purpose and today, I'm beginning to see more and more the reason behind that purpose.

In my youth (actually still am a youth), I had foolishly entered into a relationship without fully examining the friendship or the person I will be committed to. On the surface, she seemed a mature growing Christian with a heart for God (the only thing that really attracts me to a girl) and was president of SPCF and all that. But deep down, she has issues, period. Issues that she needed to surrender to God to be dealt with. Issues that, in the foolishness of my youth, I sought to bear for her. God knew that I was not able, nor was the intended recipient of that weight and caused my walk with Him to come to a standstill. I felt a barrier between God and myself and at that point in time, it seemed I had to choose between her or God. No prizes for guessing whom I chose.

Looking back, I have come to believe that had I stayed in that relationship out of sheer force of will, nothing good would have come out of it. We would perhaps be tempted to even fall into deeper sin. I can now give thanks to God for His hand in all of this. For protecting my heart when it mattered. Now I am ready to open my heart to another. This time, however, I thank God for blessing us with the wisdom to know we are not ready because we still have issues to work out with God before we can commit to one another.

May He mould us both.

I just visited Singapore Campus Crusade for Christ's website. Seems like, come August, we will have a whole slew of STINTers (Daniel, Johnson, Grace) and some of them will be joining Creative Communications, the media arm of SCCC. Stinters are short-term volunteers who serve full-time for any period between 6 months to a year. Many stinters go on to become full-time long term missionaries with us. God is really faithful. We (John and I) have been praying for more people to join us in the media warfront and it seems our Lord is sending us reinforcements even as I get trained and equipped in media skills in Sydney. Though many of them will be joining Forerunner, the music ministry, our work will inevitably be closely linked cos of the way the medium works. For example, many of the multimedia stuff I'm learning now, has great application potential in Forerunner concerts. And of course, staff in FR would be more predisposed to learning the ways of the camera. I envision a grandiose future of media stuff in Wide Angle Productions (my future unit, hehe) and Forerunner working seamlessly in various projects as we produce evangelistic media for a new lost generation.

I noticed that the new stinters were all involved in one way or the other with 'The Ultimate Road Trip (TURT)' project. TURT is a overseas music mission to the campuses which aims to present the Gospel in song, music and skit. Seems like many of the stinters, as students, were so impacted by the trip that they decide to serve in the ministry. During their time in TURT, they saw how God was using, working in them and through them to use their talents in transforming lives. They were thus inspired to serve full-time in music ministry.

I wonder, and its just a wild grasping at the air thing, if a similar thing can be applied to WAP. There are many various organizations that produce evangelistic media content, like our counterparts in the US and even here in the region, like in Hongkong for example. Perhaps we can send student volunteers who are interested in media on short training trips with said organizations to 'catch the vision' so to speak. Maybe, seeing firsthand, the ways at which God is able to use the media for His purposes in reaching the lost generation would prompt and excite more people to lend their talents to the same cause?

Hehe, I think I will email this blog entry to Mark and John.

Someone posted this on the VS forum... Hweeheng I think his name was.

"At my age, When you go to a Victorian wedding, there are at least a table or two filled with his Victorian friends.

When you go to a Hwa Zhong wedding, there are at least a table or two filled with his HZ friends.

When you go to a Raffles wedding, there are at least a table or two filled with his Raffles friends.

When you go to a Co-ed school boy or girl wedding, you cannot identify that table."

I wonder if this will be true amongst our batch.
Still, it won't be a reality for the future batches if VS turns co-ed.

Girls in Victoria School?

What is Ang Pow Chew thinking?!?! This is ridiculous. 129 years of tradition down the drain if they do this. People must be educated to see the merits of an all-boy's school. What will happen to VS? What will happen to Second Company? All this just to effect the Integrated Program? Please lah, as if its every boy's intention to make it into VJC... Where is the brotherhood, man?

This is something I had read in my latest devotional material "Healing the Masculine Soul" by Gordon Dalbey. Its a real good book, you can get it from Mass Media if you wish (haha, see, help you advertise leh, Huimin) The following struck a chord in me as I was reading it and I just had to share it with you all.

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Sexuality, therefore, is fearful business, because it implies an encounter with the Living God - and, as the Cross indicates, encountering the fullness of God's power means being stripped of your own. This fear of one another as men and women is the greatest block to the mutuality we long for together.
        
For myself, that fear first leaped out in my high-school freshman P.E. class on rainy days, when outdoor sports gave way to folk dancing in the gym with the girls. In those awkward days of budding sexuality, I was the youngest in my class and always the shortest.
Even today, every time I hear that old folk song, "Turkey in the Straw" I freeze inside, recalling the awful tension as we fifty-odd boys lined up by height against one wall of the gym while the girls did likewise opposite us. To my embarrassment and utter terror, the last girl in line opposite me, short though she was, had nevertheless blossomed into precocious abundance. Of course, all the other boys made a great show of wishing they were the shortest, like me - but I now believe they were all secretly glad they didn't have to match up against such a full-bodied young woman themselves. I also realize that the girls were just as afraid of us as we boys were of them.
        
Because most of us know that fear from the onset of sexual desire in puberty, I would ask a simple question: What were we, the youngest of men and women, afraid of there in that gym? We all know the answer because we don't lose that fear with age; we simply become more adept at covering it up.
        
For myself, the answer is simple: I didn't want my shame to be exposed and, thereby, to be rejected. I felt very inadequate at relating to girls, and the closer I got to them, the more shame I felt. Sure, we boys could all tell great stories among the other guys... but when its just the two of you there alone, boy and girl, all fears of not measuring up, of weakness and uncertainty, tremble within.
        
The motivational power that this fear wields in our lives has not been lost upon the powers of the world, for commercial advertising depends largely on that fear for its effectiveness. Ads aimed at women, describing nylons, perfumes, jewelry, and the like, often show the woman purchaser moving boldly around the man, even mesmerizing him - that is, in control of the otherwise fearful powers the man evokes.
        
Car ads for men often picture an attractive woman nearby. The woman brings out sexual desire in the male customer - yet those desires are bound up in fear of inadequacy and rejection. The female model is chose because she's more attractive than any woman normally available to the male customer. In the presence of the fearful powerlessness that the attractive woman elicits, the car is touted for its "maneuverability" and "ease of handling." The message is clear: Power to control the car compensates for the fear of having no power to control the woman, of being vulnerable before her. And so, men are drawn to powerful machines.
        
In the movie The Right Stuff, for example, test pilot Chuck Yeager risks his life almost casually in man-made flying machines, and becomes the first ever to break the sound barrier. Yet amid the bravado of his adventures, he confesses to his wife, "There is only one thing in life I've ever been afraid of: you."
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Brothers, only a man fully surrendered to God is able to offer a woman the strength that she desires, almost against herself. It is time for us, in the church, to rise up and band together, arise, warriors of Zion, for the Lion of Judah!

THE MIRROR OF TRUTH
-source unknown-

Once upon a time, a tiny, newborn lion cub was lying with his mother in the jungle, resting in the warmth of the sun and his mother's fur. Suddenly, without warning, a loud noise rang out among the trees and his mother jumped to her feet. Startled, the cub tumbled into a nearby bush, then watched as his mother fell to the ground and several other creatures, moving on only two legs, rushed in and seized her. Too frightened to move, he crouched there, stunned, as the two legged ones lifted his mother and disappeared into the forest.

A strange and fearful silence fell over the area, and for a whole day the little cub didn’t dare move out from the bush where he hid. Finally, his stomach began to ache with hunger, and, seeing no movement in the area, he ventured out and walked unsteadily ahead, hoping to find something to eat.

After some time, he came to a clearing and peered out from behind a leafy bush. Before him, in the middle of a lush, green meadow, were many other creatures – on four legs, with white, curly-bush skins, their heads bent low as they seized the grass with their teeth and chewed it.

These creatures are eating, and they seem very peaceful, the cub thought to himself. Maybe they’ll let me join them.

As he stepped out into the meadow, one of the larger creatures came over to greet him. At once, the cub poured out his sad story of his mother, and how hungry he was.

“You’re welcome to stay and live with us,” the creature said. “We’re sheep, and we can teach you how to eat the grass.”

The tired and lonely little cub was so encouraged by such warm hospitality that he thanked the sheep, and set about putting his teeth to the grass. Soon he noticed that the sheep had teeth that were different from his own; he had to work very hard to grasp the grass and chew it. Nevertheless, he was a hardy little fellow, and would not give up. Before long, he had learned how to squeeze his jaws – painful though it was – so hw could pinch the grass and get it into his mouth.

In fact, he became so fond of the sheep and so used to their company that he also learned how to open his mouth and make a “baaa’a’a” sound; he even managed to prance somewhat with his wide, soft feet as they did with their small, hard hooves.

Several years passed, and though he could never manage to eat, speak, or walk quite as the sheep did, the lion cub still enjoyed being one of their family. In time, he even forgot his mother and the terror of his first days alive.

And then one bright and sunny day, while the lion was grazing peacefully with his sheep family in the meadow, a loud and terrifying shriek suddenly burst forth from the mother sheep. Startled, he and the others stopped their grazing and looked up in alarm. “Quick! Everyone into the forest at once!” the mother sheep shouted. And without thinking, all the others turned and followed her as she darted into the thicket.

The young lion naturally turned to follow the sheep – but as he did, a strange impulse stopped him. What, he wondered, is making everyone so scared? As he stood alone in the meadow, the mother sheep screamed at him one last time: “Come with us immediately!” Again, the lion turned – but again, he stopped. “It’s too late!” the mother sheep shouted, “We must leave you behind!” And she disappeared into the woods.

Alone and uncertain in the stillness of the warm afternoon, the lion puzzled over this strange turn of events. Shrugging his shoulders, he turned away from the forest where the sheep had run, and was about to bend down for another tear at the grass when suddenly his head jerked upright. A cold shiver of terror raced through his body, as there, heading straight toward him, unhurried but deliberate, came a huge and mighty creature unlike any he had ever seen.

Its feet were like huge, padded tree stumps; its teeth were long and sharp. How in the world, the lion wondered, did this creature eat? Surely such teeth could not chew grass! Behind the creature stretched a long, thick tail with a large tuft of hair at the end.

What seized the young lion’s attention, however, was the huge bush of hair surrounding the creature’s head and waving majestically in the afternoon breeze.

With its dark eyes riveted to his own, the creature lumbered toward the trembling young lion. The mother sheep, he realized in a moment of horror, was right. It was too late.

Yet a strange inner sense of peace held him there, even in his terror: He did not really want to run away from the creature. Indeed, he couldn’t take his eyes off it.

And then, at last, the creature stood before him. The young lion’s legs were shaking as his wide eyes beheld this awesome figure.

“Follow me,” the creature intoned, his deep voice rumbling like a stormy sky. As the creature turned and walked away, the young lion hesitated. Where in the world would it take him? An impulse arose to look over his shoulder to where the sheep had disappeared in the woods, but he checked it. And then he stepped forward, following.

For some time, the creature walked silently ahead. At first, the young lion tried to walk in its footsteps, but his sheep prance kept him from doing so. Before long, though, he found himself leaping, stretching with surprising ease so that at times he even “caught” the creature’s wide-spaced footprints. Still, he could only wonder at how much smaller his own feet were.

Leaping this way, the young lion was drawn up short – and stumbled clumsily – when the creature finally stopped and looked over its shoulder at him. “Come here, beside me,” it said.

Struggling quickly to right himself, the young lion stepped beside the creature, who now stood before a small pond deep in the forest.

“Look down,” the creature rumbled, its deep voice echoing amid the trees.

The young lion looked down. There, on the surface of the water, he saw a small creature beside a large one. Tentatively, he shook his head – and the head of the smaller creature shook too, stirring thin tufts of hair behind its ears.

Puzzled, he drew back.
And then it struck him.
Hesitantly but deliberately, he leaned close to the water and looked again.

Then slowly, he turned and looked at the creature towering silently above him.

After a moment, he turned again to the water and stared intently.

The forest hushed.

At last, trembling, the young lion beheld the creature beside him.
Lifting his head, he leaned back and thrust his sharp teeth at the treetops:
“R-R-R-O-O-O-A-A-A-R-R-R!”

Look! The Lion from Judah's tribe, the great descendant of David, has won the victory... (Rev 5:5)

无心无力。

I'm planning to move in with my COFA classmate next semester. My mum is against the move, saying she'll rather I be living with Christians and that its easier amongst brethren.

Since when has living with Christian people ever been easy? Sheesh, if you really do know what you're talking about, you'll know that living with non-Christians (if you're Christian) is actually easier.

"Can you feel the love?"

Wait. Is there even such a thing as a good person? (Roms 3: 22-23)

"...The warrior, on the other hand, sees life differently, because he experiences it within the larger reality of evil and death. The wrenching WWII film Saving Private Ryan portrays this contrast graphically.

Amid indiscriminate bloodshed and carnage, Private Ryan is indeed rescued by a platoon, most of whom die in the effort. Fifty years later we see him pudgy and gray, kneeling in a military cemetery as thousands of white crosses surround him in severe witness. No hero here, just a tormented survivor--humbled, but not humiliated; lost in the mystery, but found at last by its Author. One who has faced the awful reality of evil and death not only on the world's battlefield, but also in his own unworthy heart.

'Why me?' he whimpers.

Here, at last, are the makings of a Kingdom warrior. One who's been saved not by any virtue of his own, but by the sacrificial grace of another. He's not demanding to know, Why did I suffer? He's begging to know, Why was I spared? He seeks mercy, not vindication. He's overwhelmed—and properly so--by the mystery of grace: Why do I still live, and even prosper, when so many braver men more worthy than me lie dead, even for saving me?"
- Gordon Dalbey

Why me, Lord?

I had this brilliant idea. Since we have a projector in our house that we use for OCF meetings, why not put it to good use by webcasting the National Day Parade on the wall and inviting our Singaporean friends for a NDP get-together. I initially wanted it to be like a relational evangelism kinda thingy. So I hastily messaged the OCFer in charge of the projector the morning itself and got permission to 'set us up the bomb.' I invited all the Singaporeans I knew in COFA and made sure to get(or attempt to get) the OCFers to bring their friends. So I reached home at around 5plus with the parade scheduled to start at Sydney time 7:35pm. I proceeded to set up the projector to my comp and tested it out to make sure it worked.

I thought it would be a great time of fun and fellowship between Singaporeans and looked forward to it.

However, as we soon realised, we had been foiled by Telstra. That is to say, lousy net connection. First of all we got a very small resolution. As if that wasn't enough, we were treated to a NDP that was so laggy it felt as if we were watching jpegs intermitted with broken wav files. It got so bad that half the people felt it was pretty much pointless, halfway into the parade and left. The remaining patriotic ones stayed and tried watching. At one point, we even came up with the idea of getting our friends in Singapore to point their webcams at the TV so we could watch. Kailing later informs me that she got her bf to point a webcam to his monitor and got a better performance. Ah well... Singapore, we tried lah, but it was really too hard.

In other news, I have a new hobby~ Literati on yahoo games! Been playing with someone in Singapore.

Over the weekend, on Saturday, after our OCF Bible study in the morning, the OCFers adjourned to my place to wrap Meiyong (one of the OCFers)'s 21st birthday present. Her birthday is on August 9th (haha, patriotic right? But alas, she's Australian and her family is originally from Malaysia) but we had a party at her place on Saturday night. She is eldest in a family of 3 sisters. Haha, you can just imagine her parents having to deal with 3 son-in-laws, my won't that be a scene. We were treated to a nice home cooked meal by her family and aunt and you can just feel the love. Literally. Before dinner, her father prayed for his daughter and blessed the food and fellowship. I was commenting to Sayyong later on, 'how many of us actually had our father pray a blessing for us on our 21st birthday?' I find that in general, there is this huge sense of community and family in Australia. Perhaps its due to the fact that there isn't much to do after dark so most families will choose to sit around and fellowship rather than have the children run off to the mall or to town (considering the town is a good 30 mins away by train). Some folks here do insist on leaving home to be independent by the time they reach 18 but Chinese families are generally tight-knit. Which is to say, daughters remain at home till they get married, haha.

I miss my family. And not just my immediate family of course, but all my friends and church mates who are 'family' to me. I wish we could have the same homly feeling I feel over here back in Singapore.

Deep in the eerie forests of Duskwood, an abomination slowly but surely creeps towards the distant outpost town of Darkshire. A weary group of Watchers stand guard against this foul threat, aided by a master mage...

不要问我为甚么
不是因为我没有答复喔
而是我们之间以经变的很
显然了吧。

忠。我认为我已做了明智的选择。

Pretty much self explanatory.

I feel damn slack lah... I'm only taking 12 hours this week... feel... so... slack. I suppose the datelines and all not here yet so I don't feel nervous. Sigh, got to start getting more disciplined...

Organised by 'Here's Life.'